watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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