ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
