She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
