so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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