I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
