We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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