I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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