just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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