the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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