It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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