I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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