then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
