plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
