this beer tastes like vomit already
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize