I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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