I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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