The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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