do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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