Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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