3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
