I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
