ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
