i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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