I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
