I cockslap morals
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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