I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
