Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
