just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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