there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
