If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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