Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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