I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
