i would punch a child for taco bell
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
