So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
