the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
