Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
