cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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