my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
