his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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