Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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