Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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