this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize