Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
