Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
