The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
