DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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