How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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