It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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