You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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