Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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