So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
