he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
