Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
