I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
