party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
