I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
