She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
