I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
