He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
