I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
