Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your penis caused this!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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