in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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