I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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