just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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