I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
