I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize