I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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