Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize