nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
