her vagine was all disorganized.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
