Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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