I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was CRYING into my vagina
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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