I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
