When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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