i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
