Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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