Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
